Sunday, January 5, 2014

2014 the year to transform

It's been a year since my last post.  Well, longer than that, really, because I've kept track of the time.  It was a few weeks, then a month, a few months.  Then longer.  It wasn't a planned hiatus, no, not like I sat, saw the direction I was going and knew blogging was something I would be giving up for 2013.  I mentally composed so many posts, took so many pictures, and yearned to be here.  Yearned to share, but I was so busy spinning my wheels.  Running and running and never going anywhere.

I picked my One Word for 2013, FINISH, because that's all I've wanted for so long.  To finish what I've started.  To finish anything, a book, a personal devotional, on some days just my own thoughts, a project.  Ah, to be finished, a sense of accomplishment from a job done.  Yes, I was at the point that things didn't need to be done well anymore, they just needed to be done, gone, away from me. So FINISH was my mantra.  It was June 2013 when I started to feel it.  The little niggling in the back of my mind.  A hint, a teensy tiny feeling, slowly blooming into a realization.  A realization that, apparently, God knew about 20 years ago.  Funny how He does that, eh?  20 years ago(yeesh I'm getting old) at the ripe old age of 15, I gave my life to Christ, and felt dirty.  There was no, I feel so great, Jesus has washed me clean.  I felt vile.  I felt horrifying.  I was such a sinner, so much more than anyone else.  I was a silly girl, I know that now.  But then I felt dark and ugly and disgusting. 

In His abounding love, God provides. 
2 Corinthians 5:17
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come. The old has gone, the new has come!

I held on to that for dear life.  As I struggled, as I fought my way through the mire of Satan's lies that I was vile, and always would be.  That I would never change, could never change.  I was going to be the same failure, forever.  But God, He changed me, He grew me.  And it was 20 years later, I had a tattoo of a butterfly as a symbol of how God's changed me, made me new.  But something was off, I realized.  I didn't believe it.  I didn't live it.  It was a slow realization.  I saw more and more of how often I beat myself near to death, near daily with the statements
"Still the SAME"  "NEVER Different"  "No Change" 

It took me awhile, months, actually to further dig into this realization.  That it was a lie. A lie that had prevented me from moving forward for years.  When did I start hearing it?  I don't know, it has been a part of me for so long, I can feel its absence. No wonder I couldn't reach any goal I set; I sabotaged myself with my own thoughts!   But its over, done, FINISHED.  I won't believe it anymore.  That doesn't happen instantly though.  I'm going to need more than a conviction.  In the last month, I've been searching for the word for 2014, the year that I stop believing Satan's #1 lie for me. 
After much prayer and some discussion with Bry-D, I picked Transform.  I've been in conference with God these last few weeks more than ever.  He's been so great, gently leading me, showing me exactly what must be done for me to stop believing Satan over Him. 
Romans 12:2
A renewed mind, one that immediately dismisses the false belief that I will always fail. A mind set on Christ, on things that are Christ-like.

2 Corinthians 10:5
...we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 

I must be in charge of my thoughts.  I must take the initiative to STOP the cycle of belief, or unbelief. Belief of lies, unbelief of the truth.  I must renew my mind, literally.  I have to stop those negative demeaning thoughts from even happening.  But how? 
Ephesians 4:22-24
But you were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
Put off, put on.  I have to replace the un-Godly thoughts with Godly thoughts.  Again, how? 
Philippians 4:8
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things

Take the lies, find the truth, but don't stop there!  If I tell myself I'm a failure in a situation, don't stop with telling myself I'm not a failure, find something noble, something right, something pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy to remove any leanings towards my enemy.   
Incidentally, when I'm angry at Bry-D, I use this verse.  I have to find something true & noble about him, and then each word following.  It's very hard to hold a grudge against a guy when you've just told yourself 7-8 things that make him wonderful.
And so, my plan for this year, 2014, the year for me to transform, is very simple.  Not because I want it to be, I actually pushed God really hard to give me more, something more complex.  But He, like Bry-D, subscribes to the KISS method. 

Everyday, I must PRAY for the Holy Spirit to renew my mind.  Everyday, I must make statements to myself about myself that counter the lies I've been telling myself.  And, daily, I must memorize His Word to combat those lies as well. 
So, three things.  That's it.  And none of them are even that hard to remember or do!  What's up with the simplicity?  Isn't a great work of God supposed to be all flashy and intricate?  Or at least more difficult?  No, I guess not.
I want to say I'll be back soon, and I'll tell you all about 2013, because that's what I want, to be here.  But I don't know what will happen, so I'll just say, thanks for being here, hope I get to share this year with you!

1 comment:

  1. This is a beautiful post...and one that resonates very strongly with me. Thank you for your honesty and transparency.