Saturday, February 18, 2017

The 2nd Chemo Day

Mom came with me this time, and I was armed with a super soft and warm hoodie and an equally soft and warm blanket.  I brought cozy slippers, but didn't use them.  Mom got to meet Dr. Ikhlaque(I'm considering calling him Dr. SmellGood on the blog, in the tradition of using nicknames for everyone, also, you can read and pronounce Dr. SmellGood) she agreed he is very nice, though she was close to chewing her wrists by the time he got to us, she was supposed to be working remote.  Once we were in our corner, nothing much else happened, because they gave me Benadryl first thing, and I passed out shortly thereafter.  Good thing Mom wasn't looking  for a chatty person, because I only woke up when the nurse needed to scan my wristband to switch meds.  I was out of it too fast to ask if I'd gotten Benadryl the time before, and wasn't thinking about it as I came out of it, so I'll have to call and ask.  Bry-D doesn't remember it, and so far he's impressed everyone with his mental data collection and recall.  Have to ask why I got it, and tell them I don't want it again, I have needlepoint, coloring, and Bible Study to do!! Goals people!  No laundry, or cleaning to call me away, I'm literally chair bound for hours, and I'm not wasting it on sleep!   
  That's a funny statement for me to make, since sleep has been so elusive.  But I had slept well the night before, so I didn't need no stinkin' nap!!  If you notice the time on this post, you'll see that I will want a nap today.  However, I will not get one.  Another run around weekend awaits.  Lex has a Robotics Competition, and we have our first 4H 'thang' on Sunday.  
  Busy busy!  Well, even the rest of Friday was busy- we went to Michaels and got some 50% off decor, Mom had a 20% off entire purchase coupon, and the girl scanned another coupon.  So, spent very little and I'm so excited to place these new pieces!  Pictures coming soon!  We also went to the grocery store, and yes, we picked up the kids.  We actually weren't done with chemo until 1:30ish, so I asked if the next one could start earlier, I was sooo hungry, and after all the errands, we weren't home until 4ish.   When we got home, Eliz got to do one her fave things - work with Grandma! Ok, so in these pictures, they aren't all giggly, but trust me, they were having a good time!  

They cooked a Del-icious beef stew and pecan tarts.  Bry-D had gotten home and was hanging with Lex outside.  As Mom was leaving, The Teacher was coming in with Tatertot.  While people were greeting at the door, I ran my overgrown bangs to the side and came away with an amount of hair that was concerning.  All I could do was stand there and stare at it.  I looked up at The Teacher, she looked at my hand and teared up.  I looked at Mom, who was standing there with her arms full.  I looked back at the hair that splayed from my fingers.  All I could think to say was,

"It didn't even hurt."

Mom said, "I'm think I'll set these down."  The Teacher and I embraced, and crying, I said, 

"It really doesn't matter how much you prepare yourself for it, when it happens, you're not ready." 

Mom joined us and after that, what I remember is them holding me.  They did try to reassure me that maybe not all of it would come out, maybe I wouldn't lose my eyelashes and eyebrows. No. I don't think complete hair loss is something Jesus is going to spare me from. There is a lot of opportunity for growth in this for me, and even though He's made this rough road as easy as He can, I believe this is something we have to go through.  

When The Teacher & I were put together Mom left, and we went to check on what was going on with the kids.  Eliz and Tater were ready to go, and after they had left, I told Bryan about my hair.  We have talked and discussed what we would do when the time came.  The Team Purple came about because The Quilter asked if I wanted to go short with my hair so that when it started falling out, it wouldn't be such a dramatic change.  Then she asked if I wanted to try all over purple.  And as with The Quilter, she thought of having everyone show support by going purple, whether it was hair or clothes or nails.  We had all agreed I would shave it when it started, and now that the time has come, I had to decide when I 'd be ready.  I talked with my bestie Valerie, who I will call The Cosplayer on here.  The Cosplayer had Hodgkin's, and has been so wonderful and helpful with the emotional turmoil that comes with cancer.  She was about to go on a date with her husband, Tom, who will be The Stats Guy on here, because statistician isn't something I want to try and remember how to spell.  We cried a little, we talked about getting through it; mourning the loss, preparing for shaving, and she recommended I wear a head wrap (which she had sewn and given me one, conveniently)to bed,because if I lost hair in my sleep, as she put it,
  "It will be everywhere and that's not a mess you want to clean up.' 
 So, Bryan and I have made plans, which I'll share with you all later, and we're moving forward.  After we had talked, the doorbell rang.  I knew who it was- they had taken time out of their date so The Cosplayer could come hug me.  and The Stats Guy had the idea to buy me a giant cookie, so I had to run out to the car and hug him.  I sat at the kitchen table and ate the whole thing and never offered to share, because it had been that kind of evening.
  In the interest of choosing laughter and such, I will let you know that while Eliz and Mom were cooking, I fell in love with another wig.  Which is good, given the situation, don't you think?

I SWEAR, I didn't go looking for it!  I just went on Instagram, and there it was, waiting for me!  I don't know why I can't seem to love a single color wig.  Ahh, soon my darling, soon!  Remember, I didn't chuck all my ability to be a responsible adult out the window.  Next month, you and I will be together!  

Choose laughter!

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