The other day I was talking to a friend and she spoke to me of myself as if I had it all figured out. I thought, dear me, do I give off that impression? Do people really think I have it all together? She expounded on my many and varied abilities, and I was horrified! Please, tell me, you don't think I actually know what I'm doing? I have sisters and a husband and children that will tell you, I don't have a clue. No really, it's true! I have redeeming qualities, who doesn't, but here's some evidence, so that you all don't go thinking I'm one of those people that can do it all.
This is our front door. It looks like this all the time. Even if I make an effort to sweep twice a day, this corner looks filthy.
I could show you a picture of my car, but I have some dignity. So now you've seen my worst housecleaning, let's talk about relationships. Whenever I have to ask forgiveness of Bry-D it's because I was insensitive. Almost always, I was mean or unkind, and I do it to my kids all the time! I'm not a sensitive person, and it takes so much daily prayer for me to remember to add kindness to the truth. (You can imagine what it's like when I don't pray!) I'm great at the truth, no matter how hurtful or awful, I can tell the truth. What I have to remember is loving kindness. Which is probably why I spend so much time telling the kids to be kind and loving - it's what I forget the most often. Conflict doesn't bother me, but I have to be very prayerful that I'm loving and kind in conflict - I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just blatantly honest.
I've got the volcano temperament - I smoke and steam for a llooonnnggg time, then I explode catastrophically. Which is so cruel to my kids, and yes, God's improving it vastly, but it still happens. And yes, He's changed me that it's not what it was, but still, my children deserve all the love I can give, and yelling and storming out of the room is not loving. I used to break things, but God's taken me a long way - Praise Him!!
Also, unless I'm interested in it, I don't care if it happens. That's how my selfishness manifests - an obvious example of that is Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy. There are those people that run around doing great acts of service for others - fixing meals, stopping by during crisis, calling to say hello for no reason. I've thought of it, but I've never done it. I can't say that I ever will, because the truth is, I don't really care if I do. The best I can say I do is I pray for people. Which I guess I feel isn't as great as going and doing because prayer is easy. Do it while your driving, cleaning (or not, as the case may be), eating, it's a no-brainer, it doesn't cost me anything. I'm not saying prayer isn't powerful, but I'm coming from the putting-others-first perspective, getting-out-of-your-comfort zone place.
Okay, if we're going to be honest, let's get girly honest. Here's my Celeb Crushes-
I'm pretty sure Bry-D knows about Dwayne, but I've never said anything about Misha. He may think I'm still crushing on Matthew McConaughey. I don't crush very often, but I tell him when I am, and he takes full advantage to tease me about it. Or use it as an excuse to go watch a bunch of action movies with them in it - he really has.
So there it is, me at my worst. No it's not everything, but it's enough that I'd rather not post this. Mostly b/c of the crush thing. It's kinda embarassing that at 34 years old, I still act like a teenager. Yup, I can admit to my character flaws, but my immaturity, egads, the Scandal!