Saturday, September 26, 2009


I obsessed for several days about JBPAC. I couldn't have explained why the whole situation was so important to me, but it was. Then, after a few days, I realised that as usual, it was very simple. I don't want to work there. However, I don't want to go back on my word. I said I would be there. I said I would do things. I didn't think about how that would affect the rest of my life, or my children. After I spoke with Bry-D about it, he agreed that I should sit down with JB, the owner of JBPAC, and give her notice that I wouldn't be working there, and why. I haven't thought about it to much since, which left babysitting for my sister. Again, after talking with Bry-D we agreed I just needed to have some sort of guideline for whether I would babysit or not-did I babysit for her the week before, or was the week before really hectic? Is it a full day or more than one full day in the same week? Things like that. Things I should have been asking myself from the start, which would have kept me from getting so committed. Then again, I wouldn't have realised how important being at home is to me. I don't mean that I just realised how thankful I am to be a SAHM-I am, but that's not the point. The point is that I now value physically being in my house. Over the past 2-3 years, I would often think, I need to be home more, then go on the same way. This summer I really learned how important it is to be home. In the house as much as possible. Getting groceries, going to the Post Office, things of that nature are really the only things that are truly necessary. Dance class, MOPs, those are fun, but not really necessary. Which brings me to my newest dilemma. In this journey of self discovery, and finding that I want to be home, the extra things that I really want to do, which are Dance class for Eliz and MOPs for the both of us, contradict Lex's schedule. Both activities happen during the time Lex eats. It's really 3 activities, since Eliz takes a tumbling class and a dance class. So, now I'm not really sure what to do-try and feed the little guy while we're out and about? See if I can change her classes to a time/day that doesn't interfere with Lex eating? Ugh. Having priorities and keeping them can be difficult to do, I'm discovering.

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