2014 the year to transform

It's been a year since my last post.  Well, longer than that, really, because I've kept track of the time.  It was a few weeks, then a month, a few months.  Then longer.  It wasn't a planned hiatus, no, not like I sat, saw the direction I was going and knew blogging was something I would be giving up for 2013.  I mentally composed so many posts, took so many pictures, and yearned to be here.  Yearned to share, but I was so busy spinning my wheels.  Running and running and never going anywhere.

I picked my One Word for 2013, FINISH, because that's all I've wanted for so long.  To finish what I've started.  To finish anything, a book, a personal devotional, on some days just my own thoughts, a project.  Ah, to be finished, a sense of accomplishment from a job done.  Yes, I was at the point that things didn't need to be done well anymore, they just needed to be done, gone, away from me. So FINISH was my mantra.  It was June 2013 when I started to feel it.  The little niggling in the back of my mind.  A hint, a teensy tiny feeling, slowly blooming into a realization.  A realization that, apparently, God knew about 20 years ago.  Funny how He does that, eh?  20 years ago(yeesh I'm getting old) at the ripe old age of 15, I gave my life to Christ, and felt dirty.  There was no, I feel so great, Jesus has washed me clean.  I felt vile.  I felt horrifying.  I was such a sinner, so much more than anyone else.  I was a silly girl, I know that now.  But then I felt dark and ugly and disgusting. 

In His abounding love, God provides. 

 

2 Corinthians 5:17

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come. The old has gone, the new has come!

 

I held on to that for dear life.  As I struggled, as I fought my way through the mire of Satan's lies that I was vile, and always would be.  That I would never change, could never change.  I was going to be the same failure, forever.  But God, He changed me, He grew me.  And it was 20 years later, I had a tattoo of a butterfly as a symbol of how God's changed me, made me new.  But something was off, I realized.  I didn't believe it.  I didn't live it.  It was a slow realization.  I saw more and more of how often I beat myself near to death, near daily with the statements

 

"Still the SAME"  "NEVER Different"  "No Change" 

 

It took me awhile, months, actually to further dig into this realization.  That it was a lie. A lie that had prevented me from moving forward for years.  When did I start hearing it?  I don't know, it has been a part of me for so long, I can feel its absence. No wonder I couldn't reach any goal I set; I sabotaged myself with my own thoughts!   But its over, done, FINISHED.  I won't believe it anymore.  That doesn't happen instantly though.  I'm going to need more than a conviction.  In the last month, I've been searching for the word for 2014, the year that I stop believing Satan's #1 lie for me. 

 

After much prayer and some discussion with Bry-D, I picked Transform.  I've been in conference with God these last few weeks more than ever.  He's been so great, gently leading me, showing me exactly what must be done for me to stop believing Satan over Him. 

 

Romans 12:2

 

 

A renewed mind, one that immediately dismisses the false belief that I will always fail. A mind set on Christ, on things that are Christ-like.

2 Corinthians 10:5

...we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 

 

I must be in charge of my thoughts.  I must take the initiative to STOP the cycle of belief, or unbelief. Belief of lies, unbelief of the truth.  I must renew my mind, literally.  I have to stop those negative demeaning thoughts from even happening.  But how? 

 

Ephesians 4:22-24

But you were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

 

 

Put off, put on.  I have to replace the un-Godly thoughts with Godly thoughts.  Again, how? 

 

Philippians 4:8

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things

 

Take the lies, find the truth, but don't stop there!  If I tell myself I'm a failure in a situation, don't stop with telling myself I'm not a failure, find something noble, something right, something pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy to remove any leanings towards my enemy.   
Incidentally, when I'm angry at Bry-D, I use this verse.  I have to find something true & noble about him, and then each word following.  It's very hard to hold a grudge against a guy when you've just told yourself 7-8 things that make him wonderful.

 

And so, my plan for this year, 2014, the year for me to transform, is very simple.  Not because I want it to be, I actually pushed God really hard to give me more, something more complex.  But He, like Bry-D, subscribes to the KISS method. 

Everyday, I must PRAY for the Holy Spirit to renew my mind.  Everyday, I must make statements to myself about myself that counter the lies I've been telling myself.  And, daily, I must memorize His Word to combat those lies as well. 

 

So, three things.  That's it.  And none of them are even that hard to remember or do!  What's up with the simplicity?  Isn't a great work of God supposed to be all flashy and intricate?  Or at least more difficult?  No, I guess not.

 

I want to say I'll be back soon, and I'll tell you all about 2013, because that's what I want, to be here.  But I don't know what will happen, so I'll just say, thanks for being here, hope I get to share this year with you!

The Sentinel

Kaya is a jumper, and anything next to the fence that's over 18 inches gives her just enough boost to get over the fence.  She always comes back after going who-knows-where for who-knows-what-reason.  I've come to the conclusion that it's all part of her maternal need to oversee.  I think she goes around and makes sure everything in the neighborhood is to her liking, then comes home.

 However, when there is nothing to help her over the fence, she sits, like this, for hours.  Just watching, observing, overseeing.  Like a sentinel, she stands guard over her little world, and barks incessantly when things change.

Clyde & Lex

These two will cause all sorts of trouble together someday.  And while everyone else is shaking their heads worrying, I'm going to be documenting it for prosperity's sake, and a book/movie deal.

I sent this picture to a few of the men in my family, asking if this was normal, and everyone said yes, but be careful.  I guess the next step in this bonding is to see who can pee higher.  Won't that be fun!

Looking at motorcycles together.

And when they woke up, they watched old school Transformers.

They may be tough guys, but they can still hold hands.

a chocolate kind of morning

Hot Chocolate and chocolate chip muffins, there's no such thing as too much chocolate!

Aha! I knew he was my kid!

"I'd like a kids meal, and make the hamburger plain, with no meat, just ketchup."

That's my order as a kid every time we went to McDonald's.

And today, Bry-D's clone asked for ketchup on bread, nothing else!  Finally, I have hope that my DNA is swirling around inside him!

This man is a genius

And also openly blackmailing thousands of people.

Unlawful couchplay

They are not supposed to walk on the couch.

 They are not supposed to jump on the couch.

 And even though I said, they shouldn't, I think they knew I wasn't serious.

Bry-D & the kids playing

 Every time I get the camera out while Bry-D is playing the guitar/bass, all I get is his back.

 See?!  See what he did, he turned just slightly so I didn't get a shot of him!

 And then!  Then when I finally get to where I think he can't get away, he does THIS!

 The best I've ever gotten from him when I ask to get his picture.

 He never minds when I take pictures of his hands while he's playing.

 And the kids playing tickle.

 Or being acrobats?

 Nope, tug of war!

 Ummm, weight lifting maybe?

BFF's

For sure, and always!

Mia is a friend's dog, and she loves to wear clothes.  Which has me thinking we need to get Lizzie a dog she can play dress up with!

H2O games at the Library

I know!  More play time at the library.  And yes, the library has long been in the top 5 of my favorite places to be.  One week we played Luau games.

A relay race,

Then they made felt lei's and decorated bags with felt flowers.

A week later we played water games.  Well, the kids played and I stood by and took pictures.

They were passing the sponge over and under, over and under.

 Pop the balloon by sitting on it.

 Lex insisted on picking his own balloon.

 It wasn't until this point that I remembered that I brought the kids' swimsuits.

 But there was too much to do, the balloon toss was on!

 But once their clothes were soaked, it was okay to take a break and change.

 Jumping on the balloon to make it pop.

It was hot sunny day and perfect for this kid of activity.  The water day was also a great way to end the summer programs at the library, sigh, we will look forward to next summer and more fun!

Making things a little clearer

Bry-D and I both wear glasses.  He has a small need for corrective eyewear, and I've been nearly blind since 6th grade.  So it's not surprising that Eliz need glasses.  But it was kind of a Mom Fail on my part.  She had her eyes examined for the first time last year, and they said she would eventually need glasses, but it shouldn't be a problem for another year or so.  As we went through the school year, she would constantly complain that it hurt to read.  Instead of thinking that maybe it was her eyesight giving her a headache, I decided she was making excuses.  And so we battled over reading. 

But I started to notice that she would read all sorts of big signs on the street and billboards, ask questions and seem to enjoy being able to tell what store we were in front of.  And it sort of clicked that she only read large letters by choice, and would sit and "look" at books, but not really read them.  Our insurance didn't cover a second exam, and if she did need glasses, it wouldn't cover them b/c of some crazy insurance thing.  So we waited, and I tried to be easier on her about reading.  She isn't nearsighted or farsighted, as it turns out, one eye is slightly nearsighted, and the other is slightly farsighted, so she has trouble focusing on small lettering.  Which explains why she said it hurt to read. I'm not sure how much I'll have to remind her to use them - they're new and exciting right now, but once that wears off, how often will I have to ask, 'Where are your glasses?'

Purple hair devotion

How devoted to having purple hair am I? 

So devoted that I'm willing to drive around with foil and some nappy looking strands.

I tried a new hairstyle on Lex,

but he wasn't diggin' it as much me.  Darn kids with their own opinions.

A sad realization

Every morning,before the others are up, Lex and I have taken a walk, just the two of us, along this side of the house, down the fenceline to the street,

 across the yard to the driveway, and back up to this part of the yard.  We don't do much else than walk slowly along, but it's been a sweet time for me with him.

And this morning as we were walking, I realized that it was the last time, for a long time, that I would get to do this.  We won't get to hold hands and listen to the rooster crow, the horses whinny, and the squirrels chatter.  We won't get to point out where the sunlight dances on the ground, or the tree roots stick out of the ground like gnarled fingers.  Even with this bittersweet thought, I remembered that the good thing was that I did get this time with him, even though it only lasted a few days, I did get to show him how sunlight dances, what unripened pecan shells look like, how the dirt here is red and not brown or black.  I did get him all to myself in the peaceful morning quiet.  And that changes it all back to sweet and wonderful, just like him.

Best. Vacation. Picture. Yet.

 

Picture courtesy of Big J

Houston, we have a problem

Lex's head and my chin made contact 48 hours before we leave for Georgia.  I feel the need to throw tantrum.

Luckily, I was a Dental assistant before I was a full-time Mama.  I called my former boss & friend.  She got me in this afternoon, mere hours before we were leaving.

No, not a stressful event, at all.  I was able to remain mostly calm, but phew, I'm glad she does good work!

Eliz is not sleepy

She told me that several times, and I believe her.

I've never seen anyone that was sleepy do this.

Or this.

For sure, tired people NEVER look like this.

Yup. She's wide awake.