Monday, June 8, 2009

I can't let go

It's not that I don't want to let go, nor do I think holding on is going to make things better, I'm just having a hard time pulling my hands away from you Elizabeth.

Today you hugged me close and whispered in my ear, "I'll miss you Mommy"
And my hands, which had been going into release mode, sprang back into place, tight around you.

It began then, but it wasn't until

After you climbed into Daddy's truck, excitedly talking his ears off, and nonchalantely waved bye to Alexander and I, that my heart lodged itself into my throat.

And it hit me.


Right in my heart.

You're a big girl now.

It's just a week of VBS, half days at Gramma's church, but there is oh, so much more to it. Truly, if I hadn't had your brother to hold onto, I surely would not have made it. Now I'm sitting at the computer, your lovey, Bear, in my arms, and I'm wondering how I'm going to do it. How am I going to be the Mommy I've always said I wanted to be-excited about your independance, joyful that you're moving forward, and becoming your own person?

Yes, I've always looked forward to seeing who you are becoming, but it's suddenly so...inevitable.

Yesterday it was just something that would happen...someday.

Today, it's looming over me like dark storm clouds...

You really are going to grow up.

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