Last summer Eliz accepted Jesus into her heart. It was a wonderful moment for Bry-D and I both. However, it took me until this summer to make a very important connection. Eliz now knows that she is sinning, and feels the conviction of the Holy Spirit. In the Bible Paul talks about how having the Holy Spirit makes us more aware of how we're breaking God's law, and this leads to conviction which is supposed to lead to repentance. What I wasn't thinking about was that she feels guilt in her Spirit, and it's up to me, to us, Bry-D and I both, to teach her how to reconcile herself to God first, then to those around her. She would do something she shouldn't, get reprimanded, and I would think it was over. But she would climb into her bed, up high and out of reach. Out of reach of Mama's hugs and voice, her brother's love, and everything else, and feel terrible. I kept thinking she was pouting, which annoyed me to no end, but then it came to me all at once while I was trying to get her to just simply look at me from her bed. In frustration I asked God 'how do I help this girl?' and there it was-I hadn't taught her to reconcile herself with God! Here, she had the knowledge that she had done wrong, but not the knowledge of how to make it right! I felt like the worst mother in the world! And so we began with training her to ask God for forgiveness and then others if it was needed. But sometimes she gets overwhelmed with having made the same mistake yet again-usually in her relationship with her brother-oftentimes she shouts while holding herself tight
"I'm always so mean!"
and I try to comfort her and remind her that Jesus is there to help her change, and it takes time, and look, Mama made a mistake this morning and _____(fill in with any number of things, I've probably done it), so it's okay if she makes mistakes too. But her heart gets to heavy to hear this, and I can't help. And this morning we had gone this round three times and my heart cried out to Him for help for this little girl yet again, and by His Grace, I remembered. I explained the idea to her, and she glowed with joy and excitement. His love for her pouring out, such compassion for His little girl. So off to Goodwill, then the christian bookstore, then home.