The month of April

The month of April was great.  I started a new chemo medicine, and had more energy, felt more like myself, it was just great. The whole month I was able to go and do, and I was so grateful for it. Sometimes I'd have to take a nap, and sometimes I didn't need one at all. Mondays were/are still the hardest, with Sunday sometimes being rough as well. They give me Benadryl with this medicine, and it knocks me out completely- the first couple times I was out the entire Friday, and horribly groggy on Saturday. They've decreased the amount almost everytime, and now it's next to nothing. But it still knocks me out for most of Friday, the last time the nurse said she would ask the doctor about it because it was such a small amount to still be rendering me unconscious within 5-10 minutes of getting it.  And I hate it, I have complained, asked if we could do away with it all together every week.  Dr. Smellgood just chuckles and pats my shoulder as he walks away when I do.

The Quilter finished a quilt for me, and it is so beautiful!  I love cascading colors and butterflies.  So she put those things into a quilt for me.  And lots of prayers for healing, of course.

My Mom and The Quilter have been coming over and helping out. One of the days Mom came over was her birthday, so we took her to the Flying Cupcake. Getting everyone into this picture was harder than you'd think. This was a day that I really felt good all day.

Then she decided she was going to ride the horse for the first time. I really wasn't sure about that choice, and neither was the horse, but she did well. Not that the horse listened to her, but Mom stayed on, so that's a win!

We've been doing chemo/infusions on Fridays. In the world of cancer, it's called infusions. To everyone not going through cancer, it's chemo. Unfortunately, we've learned the lingo, and we get the inside jokes.  I had my infusion a day earlier so I could go to Comic Con. We took one of Eliz's friends, it was her first big Con. There was hardly anyone there on Friday afternoon, so they got to spend as much time boffing as they wanted. In this picture, they had each gotten their legs cut off.

Lex worked with a pirate on technique, and then, joy of joys, three boys his age came in, and the four of them went at for about an hour. Just watching them made me tired.

Lex didn't go on Saturday, but we had a large group that day. Eliz and her friend, we'll call her The Cyclist, Cosplayed Season 1 RWBY characters. And it's the last time either of them will fit into those, they are getting so big! This picture of Kingpin & Matt Murdock is one I fangirled over.  A couple years ago I fangirled, HARD, over a Daredevil Cosplay. There was a witness, she agreed, I was pathetic. Pathetic and HAPPY, though.

 Eliz, as Ruby Rose, me in my totally gorgeous wig, which I love so, so much, and one of the group, we'll call him Sketchbook, with One Punch Man & Genos. Had all of my hair come out, I was thinking of Cosplaying One Punch Man. Those are my eyebrows, btw. They must have been crazy bushy, b/c they are not going away. Which is nice, I really didn't want to have to take the time to draw them in.

I hadn't been sure I would make it half the day at Comic Con, but I did a full day. The next day was Resurrection Sunday, so family fun all day. And Monday I slept and slept and slept. I think. Chemo Brain is a pain because I can no longer trust myself. But since I don't remember much from the first part of that week, I'm assuming I slept a lot. The following weekend, I took Eliz, Casserole, and another friend to the mall, where they tried on all sorts of prom dresses.  Cousins that look like sisters!

The fat fluffy horse got a rinse down. You may be able to tell that the horse has her tail as tight against her butt as possible, as Lex drinks from the hose. There is a very good reason for that. A couple summers ago, there was a bath she got in which Lex got the hose and was going to rinse her off, instead he accidently shot a freezing stream straight up victory alley.  And that girl is such a good horse, all she did was throw her head up and whinny/shriek. Ever since then, during bathtime her tail is so tight against her cheeks, you can't move it. You can't say she's not smart.

So, April was mostly great. But then, the last week of April, things started to get rough again. I've had heartburn problems since before cancer, but it seems the treatments make it worse.  I'm on a prescription medicine and I use essential oils to keep it under control. Since that last week of April, it's gotten so bad that even those don't always help. The horrible chemo feeling is coming back more often, so is the extreme fatigue. I don't know if I can make it if it's going to get worse each week. February and March were horrible, unimaginably so.  My father once told me while on a road trip never to look at the destination city, or the furthest away city on the signs on the road, but to always look at whatever place was next.  That way, you were only ever 15-20 miles from where you were going. That's what we've been doing with chemo, always looking to whatever was closest.  Sometimes I have to look at how long I have until the next Friday because I'm not going to manage if I think about how much longer I have until treatments are done. I've had to nap at least 2 times a day since the last infusion.  The nasty chemo feeling has happened at least once a day, every day since the last infusion. Yes, I get through it every day, but it's so hard to keep getting through it, every day. To keep my spirits up, I'm having to rely on my mildly sadistic sense of humor. Like reminding girlfriends that at almost 40, I don't have to wear a bra if I don't want to, and no one would be able to tell, either. Also that my legs are hairless, I haven't shaved since February, they are still hairless, and I won't have to shave for the entire summer. It's the little things that keep you going.